All hail to the master. He has decreed that he will conduct the Thursday groups alone. I feel absurdly relieved. Why should I worry so much about relinquishing such control as I have (not enough, according to some) for one night only? Control freakery - although clearly in the most discrete of forms.

Apparently, according to my 'friend' Mr Neill, I need to be more decisive, not to say crueller with my cast. It all kicked off because one innocent cast member asked to be excused from Tuesday's rehearsal as she has a dancing class. She's been missing Tuesdays since we began. I can't find much reason to object to this as I know she'll be perfect on the night. Is already perfect. But others have made wild objection to this. And I know it's unfair on the others and it does irritate me so I should say I do mind. And yet.

I am too nice. It's undoubtedly true. But luckily as I get more weary, I expect my niceness will become increasingly well-hidden. I'm still eagerly awaiting the moment when my patience evaporates and I scream / snarl at them all. Roll on the day. The trouble is I know I'll get no satisfaction when this moment comes. I'll only feel like I've dreadfully let myself down.

So scene 5 tonight after groups last night in Edinburgh and a meeting in Hamilton today. I'm thinking of another game (Peter Brook this time) to perk me - I mean them - up.