I have been trying to learn to play the clarinet for one year and three months now. I am still barely competent.

Chatting to my neighbour this morning, she said: "oh, so you play the clarinet?"

"Oh goodness, I hope I didn't disturb you."

She's in the flat on the downstairs floor and to the left. No way she should be able to hear me through one floor and two flats. But it seemed she was passing my front door one day en route to another neighbour's house.

"Are you professional?" she says.

Oh my life.

I shall stop practising now. My work is done.