Wednesday, August 19, 2015

I'm not missing the show.

I didn't listen to the soundtrack on repeat on Monday night as I tried to return my flat to some semblance of order. (Still haven't managed it.)

I didn't smile warmly at Paulina's unworn (too big!) pants as I took them out of the washing machine and hung them up to dry. 

(That's right. I didn't - repeat did not - smile at a pair of pants.) 

I didn't feel a flicker and flash of rage when someone told me they were taking an afternoon off work to go fringe-ing. (Why isn't that me??)

I didn't eagerly try and involve any passing (last week's) audience member in all the detailed debate about who dunnit (if anyone did anything bad) in Death and the Maiden. Of course they're not locked in a timewarp so if I had done that, maybe they didn't have much to say.

I didn't hear Roberto Miranda speaking to me in the shower. "I dream with her. I dream with all these women." (That's a misquote but you get the sense of it.) and holler in my head "but what does that mean??" And why won't I ever hear it in that eery black spotlit dark again.

I don't think wistfully of Gerardo shaking Paulina like a rag doll (I don't advocate this kind of behaviour for the record) asking if she wanted him to leave her - is that what she wanted? And her little broken "no". 

Luckily, I don't miss any of these things and am plodding on with normal life, having taken off the pause button.  Isn't it just great???


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