I'm a substandard sound engineer.

On night one, I skipped one of the voice clips by accident, cutting three lines belonging to very talented Lepidus who has something like 13 lines in total.

Night two, I skipped a different voice clip, thus removing the need for the raggedy "that's our offer" theoretically spoken in unison but more often delivered in slippy succession.

Night three, I knocked out a connecting cable under the sound desk with my knee as I craned to see what was going on below me on the stage.

This took place only one cue before a vital gun shot. So one piece of planned music played out silently. Though it did mean the boy band moment was allowed without interruption.

And then we had a blind silent panic at the back of the theatre, scrabbling to find something, anything, that might create a kind of equivalent gun shot sound. As the RSC man lent forward with interest and attentiveness on the front row.

I came up with a sturdy roll of tape. And CLM (Clever Lighting Man) bashed it against the metallic railings when the gun shot SFX failed to play.

Then, miracle of miracles, CLM, crawling around under the desk, established the source of the difficulty. Cured it.

And the second gun shot was obligingly 'real'.

I don't think I'm cut out for this job.